Sunday, April 22, 2007

#96 ...

It's like German Expressionism all over again.

I look at all the protagonists and see something in them I've always lacked.

The strength to soldier on.

Funny, I remembering the word in a Sec 4 Comprehension Passage.

What makes a person cramp up and run away?
What makes a person feel alienation?
What makes a friend?

It's like being alone all over again. Only this time, there's no one else to drag down.

?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

#95 Hmmm...

It wasn't the CG, it was the evangelism.

Made all the difference. Went to a class, got to know 5 really cool people through the survey at RP today. In just 3 days, this bunch of 5 people (amazingly, not all are classmates) were really united and outspoken. I felt awed by their chemistry; if they are all in the same class for the 3 years in RP, they'd be one of the best groupwork mates.

I started off nervous, but as the whole survey thingy continued, it turned into a friendly chat. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying myself. Evangelism should be a lifestyle thing; it should be enjoyable too.

Jovin almost had to drag me out of the class. Almost.

Then we had CG. Three cheers for sportingness.

RP CG:
Sharon, Jovin, Nehemiah, Stephen, Michael, Cherine, Dilys, Yu Qian, Alicia, Elaine, Jerrome, Martin, Roy, Windez.

Attendance: 14 + Cedric. (Cedric I'm planning something personal for you, hehe)

Counting those who couldn't attend. There are 5 more. We. Almost. Hit. Twenty.

Almost.

God what is Your plan to being faithful to the flocks? I want to be part of it.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

#94 Hear It From The Teenagers

Nagging doesn't help. It only escalates the problem. Sure, I ain't perfect. But what makes you think the problems will magically disappear when you tell me that sleeping late is bad, that I should eat even while I have no apetite, repeating it a dozen times over a span of 5 minutes? I don't even think you notice I'm feeling ill, as the cause of my loss of apetite. If after living for 50 years on Earth hasn't drilled it in you, then I'll repeat it for your sake; Repeating only reminds and irritates. It doesn't provide a solution. Give me an answer and I'll work on it. Tell me I've got a problem and I'll wonder, don't YOU have other problems of your own?

And it doesn't help that you are my mother, having one of the most pivotal influences in my life. It isn't that I ain't showing you respect. You aren't using it wisely. And respect, can be lost. I'm not a robot. If you want one, go get one. I refuse to be your robot.

Don't do what most parents do just by going with the flow. Expend a little more effort into it. Who knows, you might help us and yourself more. Talk about us being lazy and irresponsible, what about your half-hearted attempts at understanding us?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

#93 Sneaky...

I just realised how cyclic things are. What goes around, comes around. Interesting. In any case, I'm here to publicise a blog: Here

Ahahaha. I'm a crazy little kid. But I quite like being the centre of the world at times. Today's an exception. Having a head full (or less) of follicle covering brought me much (unwanted) attention at service today. As such, I seize the chance to blog about it.

But before that, several things to clear up:
1. I am NOT going to the army just yet.
2. I am NOT enjoying this.
3. I do NOT like to wear a cap, because it feels weird and is stuffy.
4. I did NOT ask for this hairstyle.

Most of the people who came across my uncovered glory burst into laughter after seconds of being paralyzed in shock. I guess this is even better than the Original Windez's (Lame) Joke eh? And my family is no exception. That day when I came home hollering in desperation and self-pity, my mom tried to console me:

Me: WAHHHH.....
Mom: Don't *giggle* worry. It's *giggle* quite *giggle* nice.

Dad's reaction was classic, as far as I remembered it.

Dad: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA glad I'm not you!

And check out the reactions by the rest:

Nel: AHAHAHAHA come to service on Saturday you die!
Jovin: O_o *goes on to talk about how badly barbers cut*
Jerrome: *Laughter*
Tobias: *Makes a sound that indicates choking* *Laughter*
Richie: Coming NS group ah? *Laughter*

(Disclaimer, not meant to insult anyone)

***End of anything of entertainment value***

And then I had a sobering chat with Liyan. Met the rest at Le Meridien, but they had already finished dinner, so I headed to find Yan Xiang and the NS guys for dinner. Had a little chat with the TP guys, namely Nicholas and Jia Jun (Luke), whom I got to know better during Binary Fission. Very encouraging brothers. I envy them. But RP has its strengths.

And the way I lapse into the self I thought I left behind in secondary school. That lone personality. The "Windez thinks he is an alien" theory. Maybe I work better alone. But I sure suck in the universe if I can't work in a team.

God I won't ask for faster hair growth after this episode. But I sure will ask for a release from this blindness. This inability to see what matters, amplified by the sensitivity to everything negative that doesn't matter.

Breathe... Cross album. Thanks for that song, brother.

*edit* Oh yeah, my new shepherd is Leslie! But and everyone is special.

And gosh I haven't chatted with my cousins in a while.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

#92 Guess I Was Wrong

Ahahaha what a fool I've been. I feel like I'm a sucker in an old school film. Doubting should never have been on my mind. Sucker! But I'm happy to know I'm a sucker! Because now I know everyone cares!

Anyway I've grown a goatee and lost a lot of hair up there cos' of a barber disaster. Bro's not home yet, and Dad's worried.

Jason & CYC are doing some really uncool stuff earning kopi-money and I almost went over. Almost. xD

*Edit* Ahahaha I just disabled my wireless while trying to disable my hard disk drive. What a nut.

-Now playing: My Wish by Rascal Flatt. Thanks for the song!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

#91 Some Things Are Best Left Unposted

This is living torture! 4 days of unrestful terrors.

Now I know how you feel.

I asked for it but scarcely believed it actually happened. I just pray for a better response.

It's not my biological clock that's not working, I've realised. It's my psychological well-being that's torn apart by dreams gone sour, thoughts gone amok. And they say we're the strawberry generation. I totally agree. =/

In any case I think everyone needs an explanation. You will get one in due time.

But now I need some space. Gosh its getting harder to breathe.

Trying to verbalise my feelings, concerns and all. Y'know, it's been hard slowing down when time waits for no one.

Not even me.

Monday, April 09, 2007

#90 A.H.H.H.

My. Hair. Is. A. Poor. Fellow. It. Is. Screaming. Right. Now. Crying. For. Mercy.

Went to the barber. I specifically said to trim, and not to cut too short.

Throughout the whole ORDEAL, I was wondering how I would fix my hair problem. The situation escalated as my black locks continued falling down like snow on a winter's afternoon.

It finally ended when the man with the scissors said, "Is it okay? I cannot cut any shorter, if not it wouldn't be nice," before smiling apologetically.

"I cannot cut any shorter, if not it wouldn't be nice."

Deep down I was like: What. The. Heck? WHAT. THE. HECK?!

So now I'm going to get a wig. Either that or a really huge cap.

Dang. I placed an ill-informed bet on being economical versus forking out the extra dollar.

Oh help me through the coming class semester. @_@

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

#89 Almost Lost In Time.

I *almost* forgot the memory vaults we made back in 2004. But now that I have it in my heart, I'll never forget Crossroads or Farplane Memories. I'll never forget Xmusik, no matter how amateurish I was at web design at that time. I'll never forget the poetry I wrote. I'll never forget:

I'll take the lot,
Of smothered pot,
And put it out to rot.

or

Tick Tock Tick Tock,
Silently the shadows mock

I'll never forget singing Eyes On Me, under the blocks, the midnight cycling, however foolish we were once.

I'll never forget that childhood I once had, the secret I told Yeow Chong and Jason to keep, however open it was.

I'll never forget the words I wrote in my passion, the stories I crafted in my imagination, and the freedom I felt in my naivete.

I'll never forget being the Boy Scout, respecting the school's rumoured fierciest teacher, knowing that deep down that stern-ness lay a caring and concerned heart.

I'll never forget that World Jamboree I lost my camping supplies in the misguided belief that all Scouts were truthful and honest.

I'll never forget the notes my form teacher wrote to me just before the advent of the PSLE examinations.

I'll never forget working over time on my computer game training all through the PSLE & "O" level examinations.

I'll never forget that sour feeling in the heart missing someone I crushed on.

I'll never forget watching power rangers, Super Sentai, ultraman and other stuff people call kiddish, the stuff that makes dreams.

I'll never forget conquering the grass patches dotting the route from my house to the swimming pool, as a world-famous treasure hunter.

I'll never forget losing my first fist fight because I couldn't bear to hurt someone else.

I'll never forget the day I first imagined myself an alien on a planet that was not my own.

I'll never forget the day I called myself, Windez. Honestly I thought it was stupid.

I'll never forget the day my brothers and I first tag-teamed to defeat other players online.

I'll never forget the day my teacher added the words, "Carp Diem!" to end my essay for me.

I'll never forget getting the lowest score for the first time in biology class on the topic, "Human Reproduction".

I'll never forget making my own rockets to fire off.

I'll never forget speeding on a bicycle at top speed, hitting the curb and bouncing back, narrowly missing a collision with a car.

I'll never forget that day at the Zoo I lost control and blocked the tram.

I'll never forget that day when my dad hurt himself and I hurt with him.

I'll never forget the promise I made to my mom, that her decision to bear the three of us was the best ever, and that it was only going to be better.

I'll never forget the times I said it was okay, yet was bleeding internally.

I'll never forget the day Jesus came into my life.

And I'll add this on request: I'll never forget my "childhood fantasies", wafer biscuits!

And you know what's the best thing? The beauty of life only gets better.

#88 Trivia

Hair was a disaster. Tried on Michael's (he stayed over at my house) new bottle of hair cream. Turned out it was way too soft for my thick hair. Ended up mixing clay in. *Shhh* don't tell anyone I did that. In any case, worship practice was cool.

Started off pretty rockily, because of my self-consciousness. I seem to have a chronically overwhelming sense of self-consciousness. Whatever that means. The jitters passed after I quit trying worship and started on a praise. It worked wonders. God is in the house!

And then Michael and I headed for the Youth For Causes meeting I was supposed to attend. Guess who we met? Elaine. And Donald came by later. We were all pretty surprised to see each other, but I'm glad my ideas helped with the planning of some really major super cool-as-anything-like-no-other event the coming year-end. Not telling what it is, just that its cool. And so I started on my ideas for the YFC proposal. *_* the brother who is to help us is really encouraging. Things seem to be working out fine.

Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner came together with a meal at Long John Silver's, followed by a super *boringly* long trip home.

Tonight's going to be a test of my handwriting. Everyone pray that it will be legible. Or. Tomorrow's. Going. To. Be. @_@.

Okay that meant nothing. Just that I'm rambling on. Getting the jitters. Easter's coming, what can I do?

Okay breathe deep, Windez, breathe deep.

I feel better already!

Monday, April 02, 2007

#87 To Know Them More

Honestly I'm very worried. I've got this knot in my stomach and am a little dizzy with excitement and anticipation at what God's going to do in RP. I can't imagine. Can't wait. But still have that sense of foreboding. Brothers and sisters, we'll thrive beyond what's in store.

Foreboding. Foreboding. Foreboding.

Let's all be responsive not for the sake of the events, but for the sake of Jesus being in our lives. I can't ever imagine running away from Him; everytime I do so the end is always the same; without purpose. Let's join our hands, let no one in our midst fall away, because we are sure of the end they will face if they do.

It's like looking into a mirror when I see you. Brother, don't let the hurt/confusion consume you. I sense it. Don't deny it.

#86 Revival.

Michael and Jerrome came over just now. But that's not all; Jerrome brought with him two spiritual gold mines:

1. The Journey of Israel
2. The Five Love Languages for Singles

I bet the 2nd book would interest Jasmine. Ahahahahaha. Just kidding. In any case, I'm not afraid to admit it, but the 2nd book appealed to me more.

So I went to read it first, of course. By the introductory chapter, I was pretty blown away. I wanted to stop, hold, stop reading by Chapter 2. To just re-read it tomorrow to better absorb the principles. Because you see, L-O-V-E isn't just about romance.

You can learn much about the power of love and about God Himself if you'd explore this. The book went on to explore our relationships with our parents.

Because you see, we humans are relational creatures.

By the time I had got to Chapter 3, Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation, I forced myself to close the book, lest I waste the truths to an overworked mind.

In any case, Michael, Jerrome and myself agreed on a sleepover at my house tomorrow. Which means they'll be coming by Bukit Batok the second time in a very young week.

That's good. It's a ghost town out here.

I'm outclassed, outgunned and outmaneouvred. But you know what? I'm never out of hope.

Oh yeah. I owned GDI and NOD. Desperately awaiting C&C 3 expansion. Tiberium Wars was just too short.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

#85 I Can't Believe It

I realise what the price of doubt is. Apparently too much time.

A brother once said he believed that I could do what he couldn't. I doubted. Now I know more than ever that God blesses according to faith. It's not a matter of can do, but wish to.

Just had a long chat with Ben Jeremiah on the phone. Understand that he's been going through some really rough times and we can do our part to pray for him, and each other. Distance doesn't matter when there is God to play the mediator. The Holy Spirit convicts.

I've been a lazy boy today. I woke up late because I slept late yesterday. Ended up spending the day watching my brother blow tanks and capturing bipedal montrosities in Command & Conquer 3: The Tiberium War. The rest of the day was intersparsed with Naruto/Ultraman Mebius, YouthForCauses proposal planning (deadline is way too near...!), as well as talk time online. Today 3 people added me. Congratulations Jing Wei (TP) and Jacob (NYP), you are 2 of the 3 whom I accepted in MSN today. The other I don't know who.

And Xin Ying, my wonderful Infocounter/Offering leader just opened a blog for us! Check it out @ http://hopetnt.blogspot.com/. It's still under construction but, well, thank God for her!

Had a slight catch up with Timothy on MSN. He's having a drama production on tomorrow at Hwa Chong Institution at 10am. Very excited!

More and more I hear the words;
Stature, discipline, burden, healing.

No longer will I look at myself and judge.