#23 That Last Semestral Break

It's all coming back now. The rush, yet the nostalgic feeling of slow moving time. I wouldn't call it laziness per se, because it really wasn't. We were working hard on SOWing; brought us some fruits last break.

Then there was the Kbox sessions. Suddenly June seems like yesterday. And I'm having this dangerous feeling that it'll be okay just slacking for a while... just... a while... Then I look into MSN and get a rebuke o_O.

Thanks.

It's amazing how God puts little wake-up calls in the weirdest places.

And then Take Me In by Kutless plays. Reminscing about the time when I asked if we could have a Kutless end praise. The rest had a good laugh at that. I was ignorant, but willing.


"Take Me In"

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found it one place

[Chorus:]
Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am


Give me that first love sensation. Give me that once in a lifetime feeling. Give me the Book that reads "Life To The Fullest" on the title, marking the chapters of my life in repentance within.

And thanks for that SMS, shepherd. :)

#22 EIGHT More Days...!

Oh my gosh I'm hyperventilating. Nervous. *pokes fingers at each other, Nel-style*

It will be a breakthrough in terms of planning, management, visualisation, execution, logistics, editing, praying, fasting.

It just takes my breath away; the I try to grasp at Time as it turns to dust, carried away on the tide of a gentle afternoon zephyr. I just realised it's been like 10 weeks since the Infocounter team reshuffle. Woah. And its 10 weeks into my school term. Another woah. And my birthday is fast approach. Yet another woah. You get the drift.

GROW! RP1 GROW!

#21 Amazing Grace

Amazing grace, how sweet thy sound.

Redeemed. I never used to understand the extent of grace. Until the time came when I needed greater grace.

I dug away the walls, yet at some places, they became pot holes.
I ran towards the light, then got tired and lost myself in darkness.
I stumbled and sometimes I dragged others down.
I ran around the field searching for the sun, not knowing it stared down at me, if only I looked upward.
I bit the hand which fed me.
I grieved the heart which cared for me.
I sang a song of despondency, when victory came my way.


When I thought about grace;

#20 Proof That Windez Is Getting Bonkers

NYP 100: Who Killed Santa?! says:
alright, thanks then!

a piece of cake for a mighty God. who.killed.santa.TWO says:
and thank God for ya... for being the ball!... wahhahaa this production is a faith-giving production

NYP 100: Who Killed Santa?! says:
the ball?!

a piece of cake for a mighty God. speaking of cake, im hungry! who.killed.santa.TWO says:
on the ball

a piece of cake for a mighty God. speaking of cake, im hungry! who.killed.santa.TWO says:
sorry

a piece of cake for a mighty God. speaking of cake, im hungry! who.killed.santa.TWO says:
oops


Yeah... OOPS!

#19 So It Seems

Go here for something cool. Found the secret?

Bit by bit. Day by day. Question is, who's winning?

A little looney within.

#18 Just One More Month

Time flies. Unquote from Timothy Alvin, "This very second... has just past. You are never going to get it back again."

29 days to my 18th.
24 days to Xmas service.
31 days to 2nd Xmas service.
39 days to the END of 2006.
20 odd people to see come to know God!

You know, I still remember that very day when hardships was prophesied in my life, specifically in the month of November 2006. And I'm going through some extremely uncool trials. Uncool because they seem to show me less and less of what I want to see in myself. The guys have been extremely supportive, that's for sure, but I want more.

I want to honour this bro;

Jason Nehemiah from RP, has been a great motivation to me, particularly in his innocent faith and excitement. It just comes naturally, and he grasps the kingdom of God firmly his hands. Way to go bro, lets jump to the next level together!

Testimony from CG:
Nehemiah (flashes out a $10 note).
"You know what's this?" he says.
"A ten dollar note," the rest reply. "Why, angel give you ah?"

"No la, I GOT THIS FROM A CONTACT; HE PAID UP FOR THE WHO KILLED SANTA 2 GAME LIAO! PRAISE GOD!"

And the rest, they say, is history. Suddenly no personal blessings can compare to that.

Oh and stay tuned for the Hope Republic website. ;)

#17 The Happy Ending

I was just watching the last episode to this *insert if you know* series on Youtube. I won't say what series, just that you don't usually see teenagers watch it, only kids. So yeah. But anyway, the gist of it is how happy endings on broadcast tugs at the heartstrings of most people.

Happy ending...Happy ending. We all wish for one. Yet when it happens onscreen, it's a bittersweet thing; it feels good experiencing that feeling, yet when we get back to reality and it doesn't seem to be real at all.

But that's only when we forget to put God in the equation.

You see, we often forget that the battle's already won from the start. He did it, Jesus did it. By bringing us a relationship that actively sustains us, we are refreshed each time we enter His presence, and the natural leak that we have is constantly replenished. We become a little more like Jesus. And we grasp the victory firmly as it is. Confident faith.

Oh and I've got a little story to share, but I'll post it up tomorrow after RP2's CG. Hehe, visitation! Jia you!

****

I got a shock okay sheep. Don't scare me like that can?! >_< I got weak nerves. :x

Jesus I believe in You. Stop the work and show the child the rainbow. The rainbow fades, but the work doesn't go away. Help me personalise this.

#16 I Looked Back

Heng Yu's at my house right now. Stayover, then go to school together tomorrow. It's going to be a load of a week for my shepherd and myself; you know what God's saying? RAISE MORE DISCIPLES! Greater responsibilities for humbler disciples. I want to be the faithful servant in the parable of the talents!...

****

When we customise God... What is true joy... Doing Church As A Team... Leaving A Legacy...

Seriously I should be shot. Rarely does the average Singaporean get an hour or two to read. Or do we? I posed this question back to myself. Often I spend valuable time on what should be done and not what must be done.

And when I turn back and re-read my notes, I realise the answers to most of my problems lay in that cache full of Godly treasures. It's true, we never understand after one reading. We need to refresh and reprint it not only in our minds, but more importantly in our hearts.

Oh boy, I'm such a sinner. And I firmly believe that if I put my 100% into this, I'd reap beyond 100% output (because miracles do happen).

The Spirit is willing but the body is weak.

I can try. Real hard.

Certain short-term goals:
1. Understand my situation to such a degree I know where I am with the snap of a finger.
2. Improve worship leading capacity. The Spirit is abounding in my heart. It's to release my life to Him.
3. Aspects of faith. Confident faith, persevering faith, active faith, firm faith, valuing faith.

Aim high, hit high.

A few testimonials:
1. My sheep got back into class after the school said he was out, by some miracle. God is good! And he's changing, he's trying, Jiayou bro...!
2. I see Jerrome's life-transformation in terms of response to situations. Even though he is not perfect, as with everyone else, he tries very much and I see his attitude is way better than before! Thank God for you brother!
3. Jovin just celebrated his birthday on Saturday. This bro has really impacted me a lot; very disciplined compared to me. We once agreed to stop playing DOTA together, to cure our addiction. I broke that agreement 3 times before succeeding; he succeeded without breaking that agreement; or at least not that I know of. Now we both haven't played DOTA since then.
4. My shepherd, Alvin, who tries without fail to disciple me, even though I bite him hard at times. I thank God he doesn't hold it against me; he tries even harder!
5. Cedric. Even though this brother's quiet with me around, I see he tries to communicate. The effort counts a great deal brother!

And a great deal of people I can't write now, even though their names burn in my heart; the footsteps they've placed in my life. The church isn't perfect, but it's moving towards perfection!

#15 I Feel So Blessed

Thank God for my shepherd. Thank God for the shepherds in the world. I think shepherding is a wonderful system. I also think everyone who has a shepherd should squeeze everything out of their shepherds. Shepherds are there for a reason! Woohoo! Oops, getting self-high, ha ha. Anyway my shepherd rocks. Thanks for clarifying stuff that I'm unclear, showing me the blind spots. I'm sorry I can't be totally humble and deny my pride, but I'll try. Sorry!

Anyway, I suddenly feel so so so so so so blessed being a Christian, a follower of the true God. To have a direction to where I'm going keeps me focused, to refresh that with prayer and praise so it is kept sharp keeps me from growing cold with despair.

I had a 1 hour phone call with Heng Yu; he was sharing about the stuff he learnt at Promax Asia Awards; a really cool media awards ceremony I loathed to miss, yet because of priorities...ya. Anyway, he was talking about the stuff he's learnt there; about what's been happening in his life these few days; I can truly see he's trying. And because of that, I'm going to treat him to a meal. :D But that's not all. We've still got great times ahead of us! Great times to toil and serve together; times that will make history! Jia you sheepie!

And I just had a nice long chat with my elder brother over supper. It was a very simple, impromptu yet reconnecting one-to-one chat; we both updated each other of our lives. It was then I realised how changed I am as a follower of Christ. How different from what I used to be. We realised we were both facing similar issues in different settings. And I firmly believe (100% times 1000000000000 CHOP CHOP!) knowing God will benefit him so much in how he handles these issues; they've helped me a considerable bit. Jia you bro! You will overcome... but take time to see God working in even your issues too!

I WILL SEE YOU COME TO KNOW GOD!

END!

#14 Today I Celebrate Love.

Woohoo. I feel so loved. Especially being rescued by God in a certain sense. You know, when trials come, you can feel them. And they show you how myopic you really are.

But let's not go on blowing the victory trumpets. I'm still in the middle of conflict. It's just, I see what needs to be done. What has to be asserted. What has to be relented. What has to take precedence over the other. What to drop, what to take control. It's going to hurt some people real bad. Pride-wise, but its good medicine.

Anyway, I just want to thank God for the following:

1. When it seemed perfectly impossible to reconcile the differences, the story came out quite well. Thanks Jit Min for the passion and drive to seeing it do well in class today. You rock bro!
2. A word into my life.


It's going to be a caustic week. Toes that have to be stepped upon have been stepped upon; there's bound to be backlash. Pray for me will ya?

#13 ???

Grrr... :(

It's frustrating to be limited by my shortcomings okay...

Wake. Up. Don't. Fall. Asleep...

#12 The Stuff That's Happening

We'll see how it goes. Honestly I'm doubtful on what's going on now. Got a plan in my head but, well, ya, I'm in no position to comment...

Anyway, I'm pretty excited/nervous etc... over Who Killed Santa 2! More details to be expected!

I don't feel like I've much choice. Perhaps it's a good thing. o_O

Had a wonderful time with the RP people yesterday; we had simple games and simple talk, but it did wonders for me inwardly. To reconcile myself with the reason I serve in Hope; not for myself, but for people and the One who loves them.

I'm starting to mellow (I hope) on my reactions towards things. Turns out when what I want to happen doesn't happen, or what I need to get doesn't come, I start to get mad. But really, I just want to do it to my best. Discouraged sometimes, you can say; but it comes out as frustration. This weekend came with the realisation that often, little or no control is in my hands (honestly, I just want to cry out that I have no control and I feel like a robot...); I just have to go along. And when I'm in the dark over most stuff, that's when it gets even scarier. I guess that's what's faith's about eh? And I sincerely pray that whatever I do, it will be the best of what I can come out with my limitations.

And then we had another simple mahjong gathering, Darryl, Jerrome, Elaine, Heng Yu and myself, at my house. Gosh, I needed the rest and the fellowship, as well as the subsequent prayer and sharing time. Makes me wonder, why am I so blessed to:

1. Be protected and supported by a group of friends who genuinely care for me.
2. Know it in my heart.

And I just want to shout out: Hallelujah!
And that's to the glory of God.

Lastly, I just want to know more about the people I am serving with. More about them inwardly than what I can see... More more more!

#11 Gaining Success By Giving Up

It's so powerful. As I was walking home, I was just thinking about how much more I want to understand God.

It's when I give up control to God.

Doing beyond your physical limits just destroys your body and burns you out. Felt that first hand.

But help me flow with my people...