#67 Learning Point

Try surviving day by day (excluding transport, meals at home, clothes and other daily necessities available at home) working for your pay. It's an eye-opener; taught me a lot.

It's been over a week since I stopped taking allowance. Am living frugally, though I must admit I feel much more well provided financially than when I took my allowance.

You don't have to be rich to be satisfied. You've just got to learn to sacrifice wants for needs and be thankful for your daily bread.

Time to increase my tithing! ^_^

P.S. The HopeRP Karaoke Competition; Coming your way this April. ;)

#66 Don't Wanna Be Caught In Between

The way pieces of ham are between a sandwich.

I wanna talk. Crap if I must, lest the whole pile of garbage crumble upon my head.

You see, it's not because I don't want to be firm, or that I want to blame or demand. It's just I can't carry anyone else's burden. It's your own duty to solve your own problems. I might have the heart to help, but it's just not meant to be. So do us both a favour, and take control of your own life.

It's about stewardship. Recognising you don't own anything; everything you have belongs to God. Serve with the 100%.

I'll always care.

****
There once was this church which had a lack of parking space. They then decided to seek permission from a tenant occupying the garage adjacent to the church building to allow them to make use of the garage parking lot every sunday, with just one condition.

The garage owner agreed to let them use the parking lot for 51 Sundays a year, on the condition that the parking lot be locked up on the remaining 1 Sunday.

When probed for the reason, the garage owner replied, "I just want you all to know that you don't own the parking lot."

****

Don't take for granted anymore.

#65 Windez's Top 5 Favs (Mandarin)

See posts #60 through #64.

1. 保佑我 by 张智成
2. 被风吹过的夏天 by 金莎 & 林俊杰
3. 千里之外 by 周杰倫 & 費玉清
4. 恋爱达人 by 罗志祥 & 徐熙娣
5. Twinkle by 罗志祥 & 幸田来未

" Windez's " looks weird. I prefer Windez without the apostrophy-s.

So,
How the top 5 thingy + youtube link idea come about:

I wanted to test youtube's direct-to-blog video posting capabilities.

And the rest, as they say, is history. Anyway, enjoy! ;)

#64 罗志祥 and 幸田来未-Twinkle

#5 goes to Twinkle, yet another duet!

#63 恋爱达人

#4 goes to 恋爱达人!

#62 千里之外

#3 Goes to the Jay Chou/Fei Yu Ching duet, 千里之外!

#61 被风吹过的夏天

#2 Goes to 被风吹过的夏天!

#60 保佑我 张智成

My favourite song COUNTDOWNS!

#1 Goes to 保佑我 张智成!

#59 A Song

歌曲名称：保佑我
歌手名称：张智成

我住在巷口那间28号的房间
我对窗了望就是一片海岸线
衣也旧房子也旧一晃就是二十年
只有包长寿香菸一些老音乐
我床底还收著一双女人鞋
那太值得怀念的一年
那太值得珍惜我们之间
有些愿望希望实现
在有生之年

保佑我
能有天越过那片海岸线
保佑我
能有个巧合我们再遇见
保佑我
到最後还能认得她的脸

(请祢)保佑我
她不会比我难过
我希望她能比我更好过

In case, just in case you think I'm Mandarin illiterate. :P

JOKE! This song rocks!

Then again, don't ask me to read the lyrics out. LOL

#58 Today

I'm working.

It's good.

Keeps me from thinking.

#57 Reflection

Today was probably the worst day of my entire 18 odd years. The emotional turmoil was breathtaking in a bad way.

Still I praise You.

When words fail you. When deeds fail you. When thoughts fail you. There He is.

So many times today I thought it was the last straw. Thought I'd fall down and just die there. Contradictions, expectations. I didn't even want to take the next breath.

I didn't even want to take the next breath.

I didn't even want to open my eyes.

I didn't know how to face anyone.

Just, run. Away.

****

But amazingly, I did.

And how do I say thanks more to my uncle. Had an unplanned but extremely timely talk with him. We started off on common ground, about our love for video-making, slowly moving on to our faith and what he had learnt through being in Christ and in seeking after God. Their whole family's saved.

But it's at these times you know, you just want to run into their arms, jump into the comfort zone and bask in their protection.

But you see, this doesn't last. True, you might feel totally on the edge when you are out in the storms. But live in that safe area, and you'll die in that safe area. Because no one can go through it if you don't.

What I've learnt from today, what I've learnt from before, only confirms that statement.

Still, teach me. Because I can't go on living on inspiration.

#56 The Highs And Lows

Of an overactive-imagination, an adrenaline-pumped body that's sore all over, a overworked brain full of worries and a tinge of human forgetfulness.

Perfect. I feel like sleeping. Sleep it all away.

Oh wait, did I say it earlier?

It's all my fault.

#55 It Spoke To Me

That seemingly endless blob of infinity. A deluge of harsh words; words that cut to the very depths of my soul. I could tell from the corrupted and unforgiving way it minced its words, along with my self-dignity, that that wasn't the voice I seek. The voice of truth was drowned out by the voice of circumstance, and of opportunity.

Malice.

Yet those troubles that seared warranted little attention.
Yet those troubles that seared warranted little attention. As yet.

Surprising unity in the face of adversity. But what irony; if I had thought myself least, I'd thought others lesser than even that, if it was possible.

No wait, that wasn't what I needed to hear.

How do you draw the lines between compassion and pity? I can't. All I know is to do what I need to do.

Perhaps that's what makes me human, beautifully imperfect. Because I suddenly lose the definition of pain when I see someone else hurting.

Or do I? For a moment I felt the same way, even hopelessness.

And after a roundabout of mental mojo, I finally come to the conclusion. I was wrong all along.

What goes around, comes around. I feel much better already.

In any case. Sorry.

#54 Ever...

Had that "It's all my fault" feeling?

It's all my fault.

#53 After A Day Of Visitation...

I've only gone to one house. Blame it on my laziness. Going out somemore later. Lunar New Year, however, seems pointless, apart from filling our coffers with much-needed financial aid. That's true, until God comes into the situation. These are chances for us to overflow with His goodness!

Anyway I've got something cool to share about my maid, who is an exemplary character, despite not being a believer. One day, she was given the green light to make her way home while my parents went elsewhere. It was a rainy day, so she took an umbrella along. She arrived home with a cold. It turned out that on the way home, she saw someone who needed the umbrella, and so gave it up. Wow. o_O

Tell you a secret. I miss the RP gang. While we're all out visiting different places, I kind of thought back to the group. How I miss the laughter and games, the light-hearted banter. And then I stumbled upon this truth.

The past always seems to affect how we perceive our future. But it isn't so. God is a God of all, even time. And when we fail to see that, that's when past horrors come to haunt us.

And I thank God for the megatons of people who made my Lunar New Year day an awesome blessing by the simple smses and calls. You don't know how much it means to me... :D

#52 I Feel A Surge Of Jubilance

What is this you are trying to say, Lord? :D

So much to accomplish, suddenly I don't feel the stress, burden, load or weight. All I feel is exuberance. Extravagant exuberance.

Music uplifts, but there is danger in over-indulgence. Coming to terms with our personal selves is indeed beneficial, yet in surfeit we become what is known as inward-lookingness. Everyone's got their own challenges, but the danger lies in becoming engulfed in our own troubles. If today God made you a leader, or an influence to the world, He definitely apportioned more than enough to flow through you to support others, more than you imagine. The start of fear, then, seems to be the end of that channel of blessings.

Now Playing - I Wanna Go by Rie Fu (I think)

It's land of milk and honey. It ain't pretty because it's pretty, but because I feel its pretty.

#51 Oh Yeah... Oh Yeah!

Thank God for your store of GS and GSD songs, Rachelle. Well at least I found the long-lost songs! Somehow deleted them along with 3Gig worth of mp3 somewhere last year. I almost, *almost* broke down.

Anyway the day was spent video editing. I soon got smses with CNY/LNY greetings. I haven't sent any out yet, nor replied to any, because it's NOT the big day itself yet! There's still 16 minutes left!

So while the majority of the Chinese population are wolfing down great helpings of reunion dinner, here I am stoning away. My reunion dinner was last week.

And that's where Gundam Seed, Destiny soundtracks come into play! The grandeur of orchestra music and quality song-writing. The music itself communicates a tale, never mind I don't understand Japanese.


...

Deadlines...Deadlines! I'll grow through this, then bring others through the same journey! It's absolutely no fun going it alone!

I've found a new motivation for teaching, discipleship and mentoring;
Going through an adventure and then bringing people to see the magic of God at work in the process!

And if anyone is encouraged or as excited as I am, I won't refuse an offer for help!

#50 Speak.

What an irony it can be that when something goes wrong, its an organisation's fault; no one wants to take blame nor take steps to rectify, as if the festering wound is incurable and beyond hope. I am ranting, yes I am, and at specific attitudes. The faster you run away from the problem, the faster it catches up. Don't kill yourself and bring others along with you. Are YOU stopping the blessings from others?

Then again, there are those who are so make my day.

Just had a nice long unexpected chat with Jodie on the phone with regards to our courses and our attitudes towards our FYPs and other projects. It just struck me; the reason why I feel the way I do is because;

I feel untested, yet there is too much to lose if I fail, in the projects that I am undertaking. Yet, just yet, God is in control, which is why I'm still sane and going strong. Very encouraged even. And then there was Dao's Lunar New Year greetings. A very caring brother; I've seen him grow to care for me, and surprise me with the ocassional outburst of joy. Glad you're in this with me together; JIA YOU! And Jerrome's really heartfelt concern for me all through the week. Can see la, your language of love is obvious. :P But still, remind me of the things that I forget! And the many others who blazed a trail of history upon the pages of my life.

I can't imagine being the Windez I am now, yet I don't regret leaving Khian Wui behind. To be more Christ-like.

Speak into my life.

Overdue.

I'm not ready to throw away the message of salvation and gospel of peace. :)

Question: If you were the only one left in your campus ministry, apart from a new believer, would you take up the cross/cause and soldier on?

I could make it more detailed and frank, but it wouldn't help, would it?

#49 Calling All Budding/Aspiring Video Crew!

I'm thinking of formulating a small team of video cameramen/editors/scriptwriters etc. Going to draw upon my research and lessons learnt in RP. That's one of my goals for this year. I'm going to have to discuss this and re-plan my timetable, but the inspiration arose from the demand. A few upcoming video projects, and a few filmfests I want to enter, though not necessarily as part of the production team.

The catch? It will have to be within my timetable, which is limited, and there will be a few genres that will be focused, in great part due to my limited technique and exposure, as well as the limitation of equipment.

Above all, it will be a boiling pot of God-fearing, God-seeking and God-loving Christians who happen to love video production! Honestly I'm fearful, but God can use the willing! AND NOW...

A little request... pray for me, for RP and for the video crew plan because...

I am only human.

You know, I enjoy hearing God speak, but the more He speaks, the more fearful I am. The challenges are great, but I have faith in Ephesians 1:3

:)

Prophesy to the dry bones.

#48 Fire Fall Down

On me. Burning coals. For I deserved not what You have established in Your name. For your Promise was great, Your deposit was set in abundance, Your patience is unending. The lack that I have You gave and more. The words that I needed, You gave, and convicted. The people that supported, You nurtured and unleashed. And the power of Your Holy Spirit speaks unto my soul in my deepest need for food that is You. And I believe that all blessings is upon me. The newness you have refreshed and restored weren't myopic; today is the time of fulfilment.

Let me only ask that out of Your riches You give me Agape. Love not like that of earthly romantic love, but perfect love that convicts and instructs, love that's neverending. This Valentine's Day, You are my valentine. This Wednesday, You are my source.

And I will go in courage.

P.S. Heng Yu, Darryl, Jason, Nehemiah, Jovin, Sharon, Elaine, Mei Yun, Liyan, it was fun while it lasted. You all rock my world!

Eph 1:3, Eph 1:11-14 The Living Word speaks, I'll abide.

#47 Un-Passive.

It sucks to know what you've been come haunting you again. Truthfully I ask myself, have I lost the little things that matter? Going back to the basics is hard. I don't want to be passive. I don't want to hide anymore.

It's about not leaving me high and dry, lost in a turvy of uncertainty.

Woke up extremely late. Missed the procession, missed the airport send-off. Thank God I didn't miss the reunion dinner.

Encouraged by the words my fellow believing cousins shared. All of them, serving in the same church, bonding as spiritual siblings and physical cousins. But my God is faithful to me; the people I have in Hope and the platform for ministry I have points me to a different path but the same end as them.

I'm not going to leave anyone high and dry if I can help it.

#46 3 Years...

Second last day of classes. I miss '04 4E2. Such an untimely, unorthodox event brought us back in contact together. And even before the end, I already miss '06/07 E37E. A wonderful class; though we rubbed shoulers, the sentimentality was more than I could bear. A kudos to all our facilitators for making it an amazing experience; Amy, Luke, Varian, Shaun.

The irony of it all is at the start of the holidays, I see myself with more at hand than when the school term first started.

1 Sam 20:17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.

Speak, and we shall behold You.

#45 Laptop's Back, So What?

Counting the losses. Counting the opportunities. Counting the make-or-breaks.

It's funny how what you feel is the most secure, crumbles like a leaf in the wake of a storm. Well, time to get up and pick that leaf; that very leaf which brought me unto eternity. If there were a great reason to be grieved about or to fight for, I truly believe it is this.

Only one problem. I feel far.

It's queer. Just so queer. So many things happening. But we need to get together in strength. The real break comes when we sever ties even with the family that's supposed to grow with us unto eternity.

Come on, wake up, stop deluding yourself; you're already so drunk in the Devil's clutches. Losses are meant to be floggings that beat us into shape. The real victory is ours. Lets not settle for second best.

#44 Too Long..

Oh how I miss my bloggie.

And my laptop's dead. Finally. So now it's at Acer's Repair Centre waiting to be dissected and then inspected for the cause of its demise.

I miss my laptop.I miss the Gigabytes of songs in it. I'm really blessed to have copied down 240mb worth of songs in my (brother's old) mp3. At least God left me with some spiritual songs.

Today's CG rocked. Thank God for my shepherd. I felt the sincerity in his ministering and that helps so much more in meeting God today at CG. It's been ages since I've not led a role and that has been an experience itself. Sometimes you're too highly strung up trying to minister, you forget to be ministered.

I've hit a crossroads in my ministry and I'm now poised to make certain decisions. Ah... Decisions... decisions. Got that urge to run away, but this time I'll be standing still and facing it. That's why I've accounted here!

And thank God for you Jason. Lots to share to you, and I hope you will share with me too. I'm glad for the chat at CG, but it's just way too short. I'd like very much to tell you my secrets and stuff, to trust you as a shepherd and a sheep. :)

God's Grace. And God's Truth. I've always been the kind that felt I needed to be vindicated. Born feeling like every part of me's dirty. And then I withdrew.

I'm glad that's all changed.

You know, the life on Earth's just a passing dream. If we lose that perspective of eternity, of conciousness beyond mortality, we'll just be like anyone in history. Forgotten.

I'm glad I'm worth more than that.

****

And a little more about me.

I'm all about people; I can't stand being alone all the time.
Yet I sometimes love being alone and have an illogical fear of people.

What a contradiction.

But then again, God, You use people like that...! :D