#43 A Foregone Conclusion?

Its a fight for survival.

#42 The Perfect Breakdown

Today marks a milestone. First time I broke down totally. Looking back, I should have seen it coming.

In any case 2007 is proving to be a very very difficult year.

Difficulties > Windez

When will I look downward to myself enough to look upward?

"Cry In My Heart"

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
Yet I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of my head

God I pray You lift my head up. It's way too heavy for myself alone...

Way, way, way, way too heavy...

#41 I Just Met A Few Incredible People

Co-running a business with her mom. Sensing the drive and energy in her voice as she introduces herself. And her brother, who was supposed to be a pilot, giving it up just to help out with his mom's Indian curry business. Fortitude in solidarity.

Running away from home, picking up the pieces, building a life of his own and a family he loves. Looking at situations as opportunities, exemplifying Positive Outlook. Being emotionally stable in all circumstances. Learning from others' weaknesses and making them his strengths.

It just makes me feel like a punk. For a moment I felt ashamed, yet honoured to meet such people. You know the amazing thing? They aren't brothers/sisters-in-Christ, I suspect.

So what can I not do, if even people in the world can be like that?

I went down to pay my dad a little surprise visit at his stall at the National Library and met with an exchange that changed my perspective of "attitude VS situation". Mind-blown.

#40 I Marvel...

At the two-dimensionality of words. As an avid writer myself, it's an irony. But then again, it depends on who writes it. The stuff I write, as an imperfect being, comes up short. But time and again I'm amazed by the stuff He wrote so long ago that exists in my life as fact.

I should have known this would happen, ya?

And a voice speaks," C'mon, get up dude. There's more to see, do and experience. Life's awaiting."

I'm loving angels instead.

#39 Never

Never have the time to fix a new blogskin.
Never have the time to pick up things long overdue.
Never have the perseverance to finish almost anything in my life.

Except for this race.

Because now,

Never going to say die.
Never going to let anything be bigger than Him who is biggest.

It's hard picking up the pieces. But there are people that care.

Thanks for the many phone calls Linus.
Thanks for that exuberant attitude Jerrome.
Thanks for that endless worrying for the rest and I, Timothy.
Thanks for that @_@ make me smile thingies Pearline.

Thanks for everything, everyone!

Emo-kid needs to grow up, not old.
Learn to persevere for a change.

Just as fear unto fear,
And tears unto tears,
So Spirit unto Spirit,
And Love unto Love.

<3> than :(

#38 Don't Ask

Shit.

There's that dizzying feeling...

Like the walls are closing...

And I don't want to be asked, what's the matter...

It's just swirling, swirling...

I'm sorry...

God I know You are with me. See me through. How can I truly be sound-minded after 18 years? Everything seems heavier.

Don't take my word. Break it.

#37 Overdue

Grrr I couldn't update earlier because:
#1 Blogger was down two days ago
#2 I was too busy one day ago

Anyway... Some interesting happenings:

Tuesday 9 Jan, 2007

Met James up at Orchard. So funny. We discovered we're both from the western part of Singapore, so perhaps we could arrange meetings nearer to home. Anyway, we were discussing on something very interesting...... THE POLY/DI GEN-NEXT 2007 CAMP! It's coming soon so...

...So after the meeting we headed towards Bukit Panjang where James had his maiden attempt at sitting by the roadside eating dinner. I quite enjoyed it. Where's the picture ah, James?!

***Did you know: James calls me Windef. o_O***

*****

The Pledge (West)

We, the citizens of the Western coast
Pledge ourselves as one united people
Regardless of race, language or religion
To build a well-fed society
Based on night snacks and late supper
So as to attain chubbiness, prosperity
And progress for the food chain


*****

Felt retarded and inspired; you tend to come up with such things when that happens. Anyways some of us westerners were planning a Western supper league in response to the blatant aggression from the Eastern camp (Re: Nel). So, ya. It's WAR!

That was crap.

I just get hungry easily, and I used to have supper with my secondary school mates so, ya. And its time to restart the inter-poly mahjong sessions! I crave mahjong!

#36 Unravel

The sound of beating air.

Punch.

Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch.

I like the feel of jumping down from a tall height feeling the wind brush against my arms. At the tender age of 10, it mattered not whether I broke my leg. I was a rash young boy. Yet these few days seem to bring numerous deja vu. A lot of the old Khian Wui.

My parents say I was cute. :X

Whoooosh...

Windez -> Wind + Desire.

I desired to be free like the wind.

#35 Meeting The Flock!

Aiyo Aiyo Aiyo...! I think I lost my reputation with Wei Siang le. LOL, sheepo! Even though I not sure if you read my blog, its been a long time since we met and had such a fruitful time! Super long chat but I got to know you better! Jia you for the BLM at Bangkok and I pray that I will guard myself so as to be of support to you too!

And to Jason and Heng Yu; Ya all rock! Really glad to serve in RP ministry with ya all. We are a covenanted bunch in Christ. Let's live Him in us!

Nehemiah, glad to have you as a fellow servant-hearted brother. One thing which really amazes me is your transparency and resilence... RP2 will grow. I pray that RP1 will grow too!

And a shout out to the rest out there. You all, everyone of you mean the world to Jesus. Even if you may be an unbeliever, one who doesn't believe that one man-God died to save your life, truth is He did. Every drop of tear you shed He gave you. Every ounce of strength you exert He weaved into your body. Every touch of beauty you have He lovingly bestowed upon you. And I may not know you but I know something wonderful is brewing within and awaits you if you were to open the door of your heart to Him. For the rest of the believers, we are one in Christ!

'Cos I made a stupid mistake... A stupid mistake.

Had a good chat with Xin Ying while doing duty on at the infocounter on Saturday. We were talking about how the Uni and Poly/DI people don't mix around much despite us all being from the Tiertary Service. Considering we are one, we should initiate to grow and advance as one! And RP shall take the lead ya? Let not anyone who agrees sit and not do anything! Storm the gates!

You sing all around. But I never hear the sound.

Help. Me. Be. More. Like. U. Jesus.

#34 Inspirational

Heng Yu. You are stronger than you think. :)

Stronger than me even.

Thinkhappythoughts.Thinkhappythoughts.Thinkhappythoughts.

Just like you said. :)

My mom apologised to him...

It takes to hands to clap.

*Edit* Oh and, thanks for the prayer, you little buddy. Melted my heart.

#33 Hungry.

Hungry.

Sleepy.

Dreamy.

But there's that little sensation somewhere in my brain that says I've forgotten something.

I always seem to.

#32 Peace... Please?

Every negative sensation is multiplied. I don't know if it's a human nature thing; when you start to fear, you start to imagine and magnify. Old wounds seem to resurface and old issues catch up.

I don't want to fall into the sin of hopelessness; I just want to be frank about what I am feeling. God in the Bible was never negative; He was only frank about the situations and the future tidings of His people. But yet there is a fine line; something in my state I'm not sure I can identify?

I feel like an 18-year-old with the retreating mentality of a 10-year-old.

How we react to our situations make all the difference.

But just the way after every fight, there's still work to go to the next day for my parents.

So is there a campus to win after every situation.

#31 What Are My Hands For?

I'm shivering. God, You put me in this situation, I know You'll get me out.

Yet another time I felt helpless...